Since we've adopted "Uno" and "Dos" last January, life has become a little more interesting around here . . . Rosie loves the company the two 'little critters' provide - and we have had endless giggles at their "cat-ly" behaviour.
If the two of them aren't tearing around the house at 100mph, then they're crashed-out in the most amusing positions! :0) "Uno" has taken to trying to get outside lately - we have caught him on numerous occasions 'mid-leap' out the door (as well as on the drive-by, "Hey - isn't that our cat?" four doors down the block!) "Dos" likes to fetch . . . no kidding . . . I have lost more hair elastics to that cat! We can spend hours tossing the elastic in the air for him and he'll bring it right back . . . He could teach Rosie a few things! :0)
I don't know what it is exactly about these two cats - but as bad as they can be . . . we are a bunch of softies around here and are always commenting "oooo . . . look how cute . . . " (oh brother!)
Anyway - it's the end of a long week and I thought a little humour was in order . . . so here's some "cat" humour . . .
SOME CAT RULES:
All Rules can be broken when you feel like it.Don't worry about vet bills, someone else will pay.Know where the sock drawer is for those catnaps.Help with jigsaw puzzles.Sniff every stranger.Be astonishingly mysterious.When in doubt, chase something.Don't play in plastic bags.Ignore your mistakes.When in doubt, let your tail do the talking.Never sleep alone.Curtains are for climbing only.All chairs belong to the cat of the house.Baths are for Dogs!Feeding time is when YOU want to be fed.Go absolutely berserk for no apparent reason.Scratching humans and furniture is a no-no.Try to keep that mouse alive for your human.Make the world your playground.Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps.If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.Nap often.When in trouble, just purr and look cute.Life is hard, and then you nap.Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.When in doubt, cop an attitude.Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them.Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
THE UNIQUE WORLD OF CATS!
Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself. I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves. If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry. The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly. If I bite the cactus, it will bite back. I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files". Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail. No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys. If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true. My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help. The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor. I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat. I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer. It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee. The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl. If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end. I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it. I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my parts grow back. If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live one, even if it isn't as tasty.
And my personal favourite . . .
MORE CAT HUMOUR . . .WHAT THEY REALLY THINK ABOUT US!
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak), and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
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